A Lovey

Everyone keeps asking me if Hailey has a "lovey," or a favorite toy, yet. And I'm thinking she's too young to really be attached to something, since she can't even hold on to anything but my finger or my hair... the latter being a new development that has only prompted me to ALWAYS have a ponytail holder near by.
Anyways, we were given a number of potential loveys that are just adorable, and would be even more adorable being toted around, getting filthy and ending up with only one eyeball....*sigh*..... but I get the feeling that Hailey's lovey will end up being something completely bizarre...
You see, we have started Hailey on the Baby Einstein movies. And in Baby Mozart, there are a variety of images, colors and animals displayed with classical music playing along with them. There are elephant puppets and lights... there is a shiny top that spins around.... but the ONLY thing that gets Hailey's feet kicking and her eyes wide is three different color gels pouring from the top of the screen to the bottom of the screen. And I flash forward three or four years and see the two of us in the shampoo aisle in Target, with her throwing a fit because she can't have a bottle of Head & Shoulders.
Whatever it is, I've been told to be smart and whatever it is she falls in love with, to buy in bulk in case of it gets lost, chewed or left behind on an airplane. In the meantime, I will continue to shove the array of stuffed animals in her face, in hopes one will stick.

The Flood

So Hailey is three months old today. Holy wow.... and she's getting SO big.... I just LOVE it.
A family friend saw her recently and said "Oh! look at her! I could just suck her face!" and you really just could.... you just want to pinch her cheeks and blow raspberries on her belly....
She is becoming so alert and very much aware of her hands (always in her mouth) but most of all she is becoming VERY vocal. She coos and hoos at everything and you just want to cry it makes you so happy to hear these small noises coming out of this adorable little rosebud mouth.
I've come to think of her chubbiness as quite the achievement. The human body is just an amazing piece of work. It's amazing how something so small grows so large so fast! It's also amazing how every three hours like clockwork I go from a C to DD and if I'm not quick I usually need a shirt change by 1130am. I might just bring tie-dye back so I could have a little camouflage. Some mom's have those little rubber bracelets to keep track of their child's feeding, my reminder's built in. And as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes, I have really come to love nursing. This sounds weird I know, and Lee is completely baffled by that sentiment, but I have been thinking about the future when she spends more time away from me during the week while I am at work, and it makes me a little melancholy.
Thinking of how I won't get to cradle her when she needs me, and how I will be spending my breaks with a pump and not her. Not being able to watch her fight those heavy eyelids as they close and drift her off to whatever babies dream of.... clouds and puppies I'm sure...
I never would have imagined this world of emotion that came to be once Hailey entered the atmosphere. As tired as I get and as often as I desperately wish for just one full night of uninterrupted sleep, I still feel lonely if she's not by my side. I love her clammy lint collecting toes and her perfectly centered nose.... I want to put on a cape and fly her to the moon when she lets out that heartbreaking whimper in the middle of the night.... but most of all I want to wrap her in bubble paper and keep her from all the bad things in the world.... be it a bumblebee or an open manhole.... I want her to stay the perfectly sweet bundle of chub that she is...

that's not too much to ask is it?

A Little Green

So Lucy has been REALLY wonderful with Hailey. Really.
The first few weeks, I think she was just being polite, but then when she realized no one was coming to pick up this hairless new pet- she accepted her new sister and gave up her spot on the bed with only a slight hint resentment.
We've tried really hard to make the transition not so terrible for her. Before Hailey even arrived I let her smell the diapers and clothes... she even ended up getting one of Hailey's toys as her own... I let her spend a lot of time with my nephew when he was in town, trying to adjust her to small hands that often carry snacks... Lee was really good about taking her to the park when he was home with me on FMLA... he even let her catch a pigeon (gross), which usually we let her get just close enough and then we shoo the birds away. Regardless... it still hurts my heart just a little when I see her resign to the couch and heave a heavy sigh because she's not the only child anymore. I guess it just goes to show that even if you give the same amount of attention things will just never be the same for them.
However, Lucy does love Hailey and I know this because every day I walk in the door from work with Hailey, Lucy goes...BONKERS. She jumps and whines until I put the carrier down for her to smell the baby to make sure she came back with all the same parts she left with. A-DORABLE. That makes my heart happy. Whenever I'm nursing Hailey, Lucy always HAS to sit right next to me to make sure no one gets too close...Werlinger girls are very particular about not sharing food... but the biggest change I've noticed is this.... Lucy never ran out the door to meet/bark at people. She would never go past the threshold nor would she stick around if anyone new entered the house, she'd always go hide upstairs. But since the baby has arrived her bark is more ferocious than ever toward strangers (well as ferocious as a 14lb dog could be)... she also bolts out the walkway to see who's coming and if she approves.
Overall, we love that she loves her and we hope that we can teach Hailey to love her GENTLY so she keeps loving her.

Rainy Days

The past few days, Las Vegas has probably had the most consecutive days of rain I have ever seen in the 8 years I've lived here. And it's days like this you just want to cuddle up with a comfy blanket and a good movie and not go anywhere.... but something had also been brought to my attention.... before I had Hailey, I didn't think twice about how I drove or running out the store for milk or peanut butter (you know how fast I go through it)... I could have gone to the gym anytime I wanted ( not that I did...but I could have)...but that's all changed.
Now I can't go to the store after work because I have Hailey... and I'll be damned if I'm gonna cart her around through the rain and have her get the sniffles....although I'm sure they'd be the most adorable sniffles on the planet...
I also never really thought twice about driving in the rain or late at night. I admit I wasn't the slowest driver out there... and with my iPod going I may have been distracted and ran a red light every now and then...
But again, NOW I'm checking my blind spot two...three times. I drive 5 miles under the speed limit and with the kind of rain we've been having lately, I'd almost sleep at work if I could. And now that I still have at least 20lbs to lose, and ACTUALLY want to go the gym, I have to make sure Lee can manage her long enough for me to work up a sweat.
Now mind you NONE of this is complaining. It's all just observations of my life now. I think it's funny that there are life's little reminders to slow down and enjoy yourself, your friends, your family but at the same time life is just FLYING by.
I cannot believe that I have a 12 week old daughter already. Where did the time go? Aren't I still PREGNANT? Did I really go through LABOR? It seems like just yesterday I was so excited to buy maternity clothes (say what!?!? yes actually excited to have a 6in elastic band around my tummy).... I guess when you get lost just staring at this person just sprouting up before your eyes you forget to look at the clock.

hi ho, hi ho...

So I've returned to work after 9 glorious weeks of SAHM status....and gosh I wish I didn't have to.... can't someone just pay me to stay home and stare at my little girl? That'd be great....but alas... there's a mortgage to pay....so here I am back at work with Hailey at my side. My boss was gracious enough to let me bring her to work until she requires too much attention... (thanks Papa Joe :) ) It's hard though. I need to focus on work and patients, but all I (and everyone else in the office) want to do is stare at every little movement....every facial expression... *sigh*

A few days, Lee has taken her for part of the day so I can actually get SOMETHING done at the office, and when he does.... I MISS HER SO MUCH... is that terrible? It's only for a matter of 3 or 4 hours, but I worry. (I can hear my mother doing the "I told you so" song) Yes, she's with her dad, not with a 19 year old nanny that seems to be ever present in Las Vegas... he loves her and would fight to the ends of the earth for her happiness...but it's different I guess.

When she's with me, she doesn't get bottles, she gets the good stuff, 98.5 degrees just the way she likes it... she doesn't have to settle for cold milk or that stupid bottle....it's just not the same. I know that she won't cry for very long because I can give her the comforting that she needs by just breastfeeding.... which I have mentioned is the best part of nursing... FAR LESS fussy time...

I guess that is really the only REAL difference between being with mom and being with dad... boob vs. bottle... but at the same time it's not... does this make any sense?

Being the mom, or a woman in general, I anticipate her needs and prepare for them, while men just "wait and see." I guess it's the fundamental difference between men and women in every aspect of life, but now that there is a physical being affected by Mars vs. Venus, it's sooooo much more obvious to me....

Being away from her during the day for those few short hours just makes my heart swell with love (my chest too...but that's another post all together) when Lee walks in the door with her. I want to smother her with kisses as if she has been on a deserted island for weeks...God help me when she goes to kindergarten...let alone college- oh GOD I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT!!! When I see her and she gives me that gummy little smile I just want to melt like a snowball in Phoenix....wouldn't you?

Look Out Walter

Alright world.... since my overwhelming desire to become a MRS. expedited my college experience to a mere 3 years instead of 4, I never got that "maybe I'll change my major 16 times" period. No, I had a life to get started (and how...) I had the man, I had the ring and dammit I was sprinting down that aisle and the ink was not even dry on the diploma.
My brother-in-law is now in his 6th year in college, and still hasn't the slightest as to what he will be slaving away at for the next 25 years. He has had all this time to figure it out on his parents' dime and still continues to ponder. Now, not that I for a minute believe that ANYONE knows EXACTLY what they want to do for the rest of their lives, and even those 2 people that do know rarely get to actually DO it. But wouldn't it be fabulous if you just could do anything... no school, no resumes, no "tell me your weaknesses" interview (total trick question by the way)....you just got to wake up one morning and say "I think I'll be a zookeeper today.." you know... just how Elmo does it.
I have NEVER had a strong desire to be anything but a MRS. and a MOM (check...check..) so now what? I'm glad you asked.... World, I am going to write a book! Say what? You heard me.... I am going to start writing books and I'm starting with Hailey.
I am giving myself 2 years to have an actual children's book published...which gives me plenty of time to land on Oprah before she "retires" since my whole "going into labor at the rodeo" didn't play out for me. I have always loved the idea of putting my randomness and creativity to use. So why not pour myself into something that will benefit not only my own child but (hopefully) dozens if not millions of other bright little stars out there...

so here goes nothing.....and mark my words... 2012 isn't just for Armageddon anymore... it's the year MRS.MOMMY gets published.

Baby Knows Best

OK... so I had a little scuffle with the doctor's office this past week... I've made it quite clear that I exclusively breastfeed Hailey. A choice that I am quite proud of myself for sticking to (not that there is anything wrong with those who choose not to, it is very difficult and sometimes a complete pain in the ass and I can totally understand those who go the formula route) and I plan to continue breastfeeding until Hailey can take whole milk...at the very least until she starts solids.
A few weeks ago, I noticed my supply was extremely low. I went from pumping 4-5oz bottles to barely pumping a half ounce. This concerned me, and on top of that Hailey hadn't pooped in 2 days***. I ramped up my H2O intake..maybe I was dehydrated? I made sure to take my vitamin.... but still I seemed to be lacking.
Being a first time mother (see also: nervous wreck over analyzer) I scoured through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and What to Expect the First Year (the bibles of motherhood) and all of them said that as long as baby is excreting regularly, she was getting enough milk***.... um.... ok not happening... then I also read that should you start a hormonal birth control your milk supply can decrease.... at my postpartum appointment, my doctor had started me on a pill- so I called and asked what kind of pill they had prescribed to me...I had made a point to tell them I was exclusively breastfeeding at the appointment so surely they would have taken that into account...right?..WRONG! They'd given me a pill containing estrogen and 2 weeks after taking it they inform me that it will decrease your milk supply. Long story short- pediatrician said Hailey was just fine and obviously getting the nutrition she needs because at 9 weeks she is almost 12lbs- and my doctor put me on a medication to increase milk supply which now I could pretty much go toe- to- toe with any soda fountain.
ANYWAY... the whole point of this post is that during this whole ordeal... Hailey was FINE... like she knew the whole time everything would work out. One night, terrified that my poor helpless child was starving I prepared a formula bottle and offered it to her. She would NOT take it. She just pushed it away... as if to say " Hey Mom, umm your boob is much more delicious than this tofu-milk that you're trying to give me.... keep trying, YOU CAN DO IT! Don't give it up! If I could clap my hands I'd show you how much I believe in you!! But I can't so i'll just fart!"
And I didn't give up. And now I wish she was only pooping every 2 days because she too could go toe-to-toe with any soda fountain (GROSS...sorry).


*** The Pediatrician said some breastfed babies can go 10 days without pooping, but they are still well nourished. (but man I would be craaaaaaaaannnnkkyy)
*** The books also did say that after an adjustment period your boobs will feel "empty" but they are still very much so in production...

I Heart Meryl

Dear Meryl Streep,

You are wonderful. I adore you. Please adopt me. Or leave the outgoing message on my cell phone.

-Caitlin


So in the past few years I think I have seen almost EVERY movie Meryl Streep has been in. Evening...Rendition... Devil Wears Prada... Doubt...It's Complicated... not to mention the delicious Julie & Julia... And she is JUST fabulous. And while watching the Today Show a few weeks ago... I heard that with this year's Golden Globes nominations, she will have been nominated 25 times. 25! Holy wow.
Well, my sister and I decided that since we have seen all of her recent work, we should start working our way through her film catalog. So last Saturday marked the first meeting of our mini Meryl Streep fan club, our viewing included "The Deer Hunter" and "Kramer vs. Kramer."
The AFI lists "The Deer Hunter" as one of the top 100 films. With all due respect to Mrs. Streep, I think it could have been skipped. 3 hours and 4 minutes of utter misery in the lives of three friends, without even a remotely positive ending. But maybe we expected our leading lady to play a larger role and since she didn't, that added to the disappointment.
"Kramer vs. Kramer" however... wonderfully emotional and even though the emphasis falls on Dustin Hoffman's character, I think it was a wonderful addition to Meryl Streep repertoire
Since our first meeting fizzled, for the next movie we decided we needed a bigger fix, so we aimed for one of her better known films.... "Out of Africa...." Robert Redford, delicious.... photography...brilliantly beautiful... Meryl... oh Meryl I love you American, I love you Danish... your larynx is a veritable United Nations.... Thank goodness you call New Jersey home, because I don't think it could ever recover from "The Jersey Shore" jerks without you.

Next Up: "Heartburn" and "Postcards from the Edge"